Counter-argument to Aquaman

This argument is in response to KayJayLunar's (aka KJ) article entitled "Aquaman is a Straight Up Badass!" One may ask why am I wasting my breath? I mean, who is the bigger loser here, the one posting a comment about the greatness of Aquaman or the one arguing against it. Well, let me save you the suspense and answer with a resounding, "Me. I'm the bigger loser," but I have my reasons:

One, "we" (the collective DC comics/JLA fans) must stand up against critics who tear down our iconic superheroes such as Superman and Batman; and B, honoring a horrendous, cretin such as Aquaman over our staple heroes is erroneous on so many levels and must be dealt with immediately. Mr. KJ went too far, so let's send him and Aquaman back to that hellhole of a place they call Atlantis, and settle this once and for all.

For starters, Aquaman HAS received the short end of the stick because he is, in fact, the short end. Seriously, let's compare credentials for just a moment. The man commands the seas and the ocean...who the fu@k cares? Everyone knows that the land has much more relevance on Earth than the deep seas. On the Earth’s surface, Aquaman is stronger than the average man. Great, so let's say he has the strength of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Don't get me wrong, Arnold is awesome, but neither Superman nor Batman is touching Aquaman with any 39 and half-foot pole. In other words, physically, there is no way for Aquaman to compete. As far as intelligence is concerned, do I really need to go there? I mean, the King of the Seas can't even hold a meaningful conversation with people, let alone solve the world's problems. Let's be real here. Aquaman wouldn't last a day in Metropolis, let alone Gotham.

On the flip side, Batman and Superman have what it takes to lead. They possess superior intelligence and talents that surpasses Aquaman in almost every facet of the game. I mean, Superman can freakin fly for crying out loud! And Batman is literally a genius. Aquaman couldn't hold Batman's utility belt (jockstrap included)! So, trust me, if the Atlantic Ocean needed 'real' help, both Superman and Batman would be able to do the job and would probably handle it much better fashion than Aquaman ever could.

As for the heroes' super villains, KayJay emphasizes a great point. Aquaman's main villains are Black Manta and Ocean Master...are you shitting me? So, Black Manta fires off a few torpedoes and energy beams and we as comic fans are supposed to be impressed? Ocean Master who? Hell, I had to Wikipedia his ass just to gain some insight on this guy. Yeah, I was really missing out on some great work of art there. I mean even Spiderman has a more formidable cast of villains. (Sorry, to throw Marvel in the mix, but Spidey is renowned for his B grade super villains) Comparing Aquaman's foes to the likes of Joker, Doomsday, Luther, or any of the psychopaths in Gotham is like equating athletes between baseball and golf. There really is no comparison.

Finally, I must address KJ's take on Aquaman's fashion sense. Aquaman's orange and green suit is a "one man political billboard", huh? Yeah, if he was promoting for Ace and Gary's flamboyant adventures of the sea, maybe. Even so, the colors are so dull that I'm sure the gay community would reject Aquaman's pathetic promotional attempt. Any way you slice it, Superman's red, yellow, and blue and Batman's black and gray are simply better, hands down.

The argument is indisputable. Aquaman is a second tier Justice Leaguer. No offense to Aquaman and his 3 supporters, but Batman and Superman are just on another level. Honestly, I have nothing against the King of the Oceans. He has his purpose. I mean he's in the JLA. How much more RESPECT do you want? Give up the fight, man. In the end, nobody is worrying about a walrus/seal/octopus combo invasion